I've never thought I'd ever write about this. It's been quite a while since I started feeling so self conscious about everything that's happening around me. I've been rejected a lot these days for many interviews and auditions that I participated in. And the worse part, I wasn't even told about why I'm rejected. It made me really self conscious about myself..

Am I not good enough?

What am I lack of?

What is it about me made them reject my application?

I've talk to Clint about this a few days ago.. Looking at people leading the life that I've always dreamt of. Thought I could be the same as long as I give it a try. There would be a 0.1% chance rather than 0%, right? But that's not always the case. There are times when I go for auditions, and I get strike off almost immediately. And I don't even know why.

But I've come to realize what I lack of after looking through the photos I've gotten from my photoshoot yesterday...

I am rather big boned for my height(I'm probably not the only one). And I honestly have no idea what I can do about this. I look horribly big on photos despite having such petite height. Can you imagine something that is big and short? Yes, a teapot.
I've never thought height matters this much until I meet so many people that rejects me because I'm too short and chubby (most of the time).

It's perfectly fine if I have a body size that is compatible to my height. But being short and big-boned makes me look like a teapot. It may be adorable to some people, but it's not adorable anymore if it actually ruins so many opportunities! I have such short and stubby legs even heels looks ugly on me.

I feel as if I can never be saved anymore. Since I'm already out of the growing age. I think I'm gonna remain a midget for the rest of my life. Maybe a cute midget..

On the brighter side, I've been googling ways to grow taller and it seems I could actually still be saved from all these unnecessary shallow rejections. It's gonna be really tough, following all the diets and schedules and taking in all the necessary vitamins.... Also, rejecting all the delicious delicacies that I love.

Sigh.. I wouldn't have to put myself through such misery if the society isn't this shallow.
On a second thought, who wouldn't want to look perfect? Perhaps it's not about how people look at them, but more of how someone look at themselves.
But if one doesn't judge, I don't think anyone will feel bad about their flaws, right?

Oh, the contradictions.