Losing me.

by - Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Have you been so caught up with life that you forgot who you are anymore? Like for example sitting in a corner in your house on one of your free days and not knowing what to do.. Totally forgetting how life had been back when you were less busy with more than enough time to spend? That is exactly what I've been experiencing for the past couple of months. I have so much to do, yet I don't have enough time. But when I have the time, I'm in a lost about what I have to do.

I know I've been going on about how busy I am with work and how I am rushing here and there, and meeting shitty people every other day.. but I just can't do anything about it. I have to work. I need my income. I could probably change job, but why would I do something I don't enjoy just for the sake of earning just a little bit more?
I like event jobs. I like meeting new people! It actually makes me feel human working event jobs.. I mean.. It's better than being cope up at home all day with my laptop right?

Mom had been trying to make me quit my job to help her out at the store for a month now. Which I find ultra ridiculous and unreasonable because sitting at the shop whole day, tending a store that sells things that turns off any normal teenager isn't what I want to do. But how can I blame my mom? It wasn't her fault we're doing this. The previous tenant stopped renting after having open a store that sells holy stuff for years, and it's almost impossible to stop the business because they already had regular customers there.

To make things worse, I actually have people thrashing me, and telling me how stupid I am to be committing to such jobs.

Look, I love my job(s). It's just that I don't meet the right people every time. I do meet crazy buggers or some major fucktards of Earth as my superiors, but I love my job. To me, it's not about working under nonsensical bastards. It about meeting different kind of people while working, and knowing new colleagues. Especially when you realise, they are the same kind of people as you. That's why they are there.

And then there was this low-life that commented on my job after knowing my working environment was filled with guys. I was rather infuriated to be honest.....

"You love to be in the center of attention. Always. Having so many guys flocking around you, enjoying all the attention they are giving you. Flirt."

Calling me a flirt just because I get attentions that I didn't expect. What am I supposed to do? Make the guys stop working for event jobs? Ask them go gay? Go plastic to make myself look extremely hideous? I get unnecessary attention even when I head out without make up. Probably because I look wayyyy too ghostly. But then again, it doesn't change the fact that I try to make myself look human, and still get stares because make-up made me look prettier.

Then he starts saying, "It's stupid being a blogger. It's not even a job." (The irony.)

I am honestly thankful for all the opportunities that came my way out of owning a blog. But what you guys don't know is that, I am really not as popular as what you see. I'm just doing my job, writing good reviews for good restaurants, hoping that I could really help them in a way or two knowing that I don't really garner as much hits as celebrity-bloggers around.

And in midst of all these nonsenses I've been receiving, I lost myself trying to find peace in my own life. How stupid. Like someone is deliberately trying to change me into someone I am not. I wasn't the only one that felt this way, I told Huixin about it and she agreed some people exist just to deliberately stir shit in my life and make things difficult for me.
And it is really stupid of me to be influenced by words said by people who are not even worth my attention.
If bringing me down and thrashing everything I do is what you call "concern", then I don't need it.

Random selfie because I just have to. The make up that day was guuddd.


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