by - Sunday, April 14, 2013

This has been on my mind for quite a while now. I thought I'll be happier when I can finally do what I want to do. I'm currently in the school and course I've always dreamed to be in. I had finally got my life back on track. I thought I could be happy this way. But no.. Once you achieve something, you'll lose something. And using that something to trade for my dreams is definitely not making me happy.

I gave up my freedom and time, I gave up my health and relations. I argue more often with my family and friends, get clash of ideas between friends. I'm being made to adapt to a demanding and judgemental lifestyle, and was asked to judge every little thing as part of my assignment. Everyday, we have to compare, judge, and contextualise. The school deemed it as the right living system. As human, we should always judge and learn. Have your stand, and brighten up your stand. But truth to be told.. All these attitudes are none other than, stubborn, arrogant, self-centered, selfish, hard-headed and demanding.

I am obviously not comfortable being in such a competitive environment. And it makes me sick having to argue for my stand. Why does an artwork have to be explained? Can't something grow out of mere inspirations without any rules and explanation? I thought attending school is a fun process of life. Apart from that couple of awesome people I've met, nothing else makes me happy.

They say time will tell.

Now I've realised, what I gave up in trade for an official education of my dream is totally not worth it. The things I gave up indirectly led to all the troubles I'm having today, and to add on, the amount of stress the school's giving. Sigh.. I wish I had never enrolled in here.

What's the point in believing when what comes to you are nothing more than disappointment time and again?

I just wish I could mean something to someone. Instead of being thrown aside just because I am not good enough all the time.

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