Pain

Thursday, October 09, 2014

I had a minor accident in school this afternoon. The boom pole suddenly dropped and clapped my finger when I was loosening the stopper to keep it. Yup, clumsy enough to not hold onto the extension before loosing the grip.

My reaction was surprisingly calm. Usually such injuries would make me cry and whine like a baby. But today, I was actually brave enough to apply pressure on the wound to minimize the bleeding. 

I thought the cut would be minor since when it first got clapped, it didn't seem so serious. It was only after I saw blood seaming through the tissue I was using then I realize it was actually pretty serious. 

So I made my way to the toilet as i watch the blood slowly ooze out of my finger. I was a brave girl. I left my finger under the running water. Slowly watch the blood get wash off as it bled. Was it painful? It sure was, and it still is. The cut was so bad I am unable to hold the chopsticks now. There was even a tiny blood clot which I had to cut open to release all the blood stuck inside. I feel as though my finger might explode if I don't give it an outlet to release all the trauma. It felt sooooo much better after getting all the clot blood out.

And I swear, this is the most gruesome and biggest wound I've gotten in my entire life. I guess I'm one really lucky kid that doesn't get injured much..... 

But this accident made me realize one thing. 
Death could be this easy and painless.
And humans are so vulnerable. 

It didn't take the boom pole long to defy gravity and land a hit on me. And it didn't take too long for my blood to flow too. But it actually took a while for me to feel the pain. Of course, it is painful. And I lost so much blood it actually made me feel cold and dizzy.
I've come to realize, the bigger the injury, the less painful it is. Like how paper cut hurts like a bitch but scraping a knee doesn't hurt as bad. 

Probably because the bigger the surface area wins. Like how you'll feel ultra annoyed at a speck of dot on a piece of paper, yet feel perfectly okay to have 1/3 of the paper covered with black ink. You get what I mean?

Back to what I was saying...... Lets think about it, if it takes so long for the brain to process pain, would death still be painful? Okay okay, perhaps "death" is too vast an example. How about..... Would it still be painful to die getting injured? People who got stabbed and passed away, did they feel any pain? People who got into accident and didn't managed to get out of it, did they feel any pain?

Honestly, I would love to believe they went off painless. No struggle, no worries, no pain. Off to the other world to live in the safe hands of the angels. I really want to believe that's the way it is. 

Then again. What irony. I am an atheist, and am never once a believer in religion. But I believe angels exist. I guess this is what solitude do to you. You have way too much alone time to fantasize about things. 

People may argue that it is not true. But I want to live in denial and believe there's life after death. I want to believe you will be in a beautiful land filled with beautiful people after you pass on. I want to believe in afterlife. At least this way.... I know my dear friend is happy wherever he is now. 

You've been missed, my gentle giant.

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