by - Monday, September 09, 2019

It's been a while since we got to head out and go for a random ride. Being all locked up at home means I don't get to see the sunlight and life outside much. I've pretty much detached myself from the reality ever since diagnosis. I'll be honest; it actually gets more and more depressing as days pass, especially when job offers come knocking on my door and all I could do is push them away. I'm in no shape to work for production right now, and highly possibly, anymore. I can also feel my brain slowly going into hiatus with the lack of usage, and causing me to evolve into a full time wood block with nothing but hollowness in my head.

So.... With all the time I have in the world right now, I listed down a few things that I want to do, and plan to do. I kid you not, I have literally all the time in the world right now and living the life anyone could ask for. I really am in no position to complain, unless you look at it from the workaholic's point of view, ovells. Anyway I will touch on that once I get all my thoughts sorted out and have something concrete to share. Right now all these plans are really just.... a one liner waiting to be developed. Hey, good start regardless.

Got my ass to Changi Jewel last Saturday after Korean class. Yes, I finally attended my lesson after 2 months! What a waste of money, tsk. I will not be continuing my lessons with Sejong though.. Because my condition is really unstable, I don't know when will I wake up feeling all sluggish and not able to function for the day. So it's really not worth it to spend hundreds just to miss my lessons. More practical to save those up for investments. It was a good change. I got to finally sit around the huge ass fountain and observe humans while letting my mind do its job. Judgey, judgey, judgey. All dem good and bad. Like, why are they here, what are they doing, what could be their career, and what's on their mind kinda. I've gotten more human lately. Ye, a good change.

So me and Kimmy just sat down there for 3 hours, sipping on our coffee, chatting about people, stuff and pretty much every other possible rubbish. I mean if you know me, I'm one to jump from topics to topics at the weirdest point within a conversation. To an extent where I can actually hold 5 different topics at once with you and get all confused with whatever the fuck we were just talking about. I miss this feeling though. Processing thoughts at the speed of light, getting things moving and drafting mental proposals for future plans. I like planning things. And I feel less like a patient, though the body still fails on me occasionally. It's better than moping around in stagnation like a loser drowning in self-pity, blaming the entire world but himself for his stupid but evitable mistakes.

I'm not one that can tolerate stagnation. I gotta keep moving, moving. I do envy people who can keep up the same lifestyle for years and not want to make a change. It's comfortable I would assume. Even if it's a failed investment of a toxic spill where your journey consist of nothing but a quick, yet steady death. How lucky to have a safe zone, regardless. One thing I've learnt lately, you can't save someone who has no intention of saving themselves. A drug addict dies happy overdosed. I can't save myself if I don't want to be saved just yet. But I've set a deadline, and I'll take my time until then. I feel like I just completed one RPG story of this hero, now time to move on to the next, hahahaha.

I may have lost my dreams, but hey, I've already achieved everything I ever wanted, and I have everything available for me to start another quest. I am more privileged than some almost my age with nothing at all. So why the hell not?

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