Summer 2011.

by - Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Took me a while to finally have the courage to write this out. Everyone has their fair share of woes in life, but I guess... what I've encountered isn't something anybody should ever go through. I am probably not the only one, which pretty much sums up how fucked up the world is. Recently shit that been piling up, memories returned and the emotions are so overwhelming I really couldn't take it anymore.

I've had enough of people calling me introvert, insecure, bitchy, over protective or whatnot. You really think I love being this way? How about try living within the fear and threats I'm facing everyday right now? They say time will heal, but no. Time is simply acting as a countdown machine right now, making me fear more and more each day.

It all started because I was concerned towards this particular "friend". I shouldn't have, and it was obviously none of my business then. I was working for an event when I happened to meet this long lost ex-classmate of mine who was working for an event next door. Because he was "long lost" and missing, so we naturally exchanged numbers and kept in touch. And since we lived at the same area, and will be working at the same area for the next couple of days, we went to work and back home together everyday.

After hanging out for that few days, this fella started his wishful thinkings. At first, he was just casually flirting around, so I didn't really give a shit about him. Then he started to get really weird, and then went around telling people I'm his girlfriend, when I am not. I obviously denied whenever someone asks. And I don't feel comfortable because I just suffered a heartbreak not too long ago then. So we talked it out, he understood I felt really uncomfortable, so he stopped. And we stopped contacting too. But he wasn't too happy with my decision after a few days.

So he started appearing outside my flat, texting me weird messages and kept spam calling me. I got really irritated so I decided to face him and make him stop. Because we knew each other for so long, and I really didn't want to make things ugly for him. But little did I know that that meet up was actually the start of hell.

On that day, after finishing what I wanted to say, and he calmly agreed to stop bugging me, I thought all was well. So I left and strolled back home without knowing he was actually following me quietly at the back. He gave me a call, and I didn't answer. He saw me ignoring the call, so he ran towards me from the back and kicked me really hard. Tired and shocked(because I had school that day), I fell to the ground, scraped my knee and palm, twisted my ankle, cried in pain. That wasn't all.. After shedding a couple of tears, I stood up and confronted him. What I got in return was hurting words, a few slaps in the face, a crushed hard disk filled with my blood and sweat, and a cracked iPhone because he snatched my bag and fling it towards the floor. He demanded me to be under his command, or he would burn my house, injured my friends and family. I didn't want to bring trouble to anybody.. And I didn't want my loved ones to get hurt. He didn't give me any option. I didn't have a choice at all..

And there starts my life in living hell. I really thought it was the end of my life. Not as a human, but as a soul.

Every single day, I'll try to get away from him. Whenever I thought his mood was good, and wouldn't do anything to me, I was wrong. As long as I give a slight hint of wanting to escape from him, I'll get abused. At first he would deliberately miss punching my face and punch the wall instead. Then it got worse, he actually kicked me in my right eye, and I blacked out for a couple of seconds waking up to realise I had a black eye. That wasn't all. He then dragged me around the house and punched me in the stomach, kicked me everywhere. I did fight back, but my strength was after all inferior to a guy's. Nobody was home, no one could save me. But I was lucky, my front door was opened and my screams attracted quite a bit of attention. He ran away.

After that all I could do was hide myself in the toilet, stare at my bruised and swollen face, and think of all sort of lies I could tell that's convincing enough to lie to my family and friends. Yes, I was yet again wrong. I should have told the truth and called the police. But I was afraid if I ever call the cops, he would do something to me again. And this time it wouldn't be just me. My family and friends included. So I lied, and started ignoring him. Praying he will never come back to haunt me ever again.

Life became really peaceful for a short while after that incident.. What I meant by short, was really really short. In just 3 days, he was back to haunt me again. Due to my injuries, I was forced to take a month off from my job, and stayed at home because my job requires me to look good, and that black eye obviously spoils image. (I eventually lost my job, because he was threatening the customers and destroying things at the store.) Thankfully it was school holidays, he couldn't touch me despite him trying to bug me. But after I was healed, life got even worse.

The abuse didn't stop, but it wasn't as serious as that kick, so I shan't mention. Holidays ended, back to school, it's time for me to rush for my FYP. And that's when I started contacting Clint again and asked him to help me with my work. We were not that close yet at that point of time. So we would only met up to do some animation and went home shortly after. And then the psycho doing what a psycho does best... One time, when I'm on my way home from school, he dragged me to his place, locked me in his room and took a kitchen knife to my throat. He threatened he'll kill me right at that moment, and then kill himself after, so we could live together forever... before proceeding to stab the mattress that I was leaning on. I really thought I was gonna expire right then and there- I'm gonna get killed by him and nobody would ever know what happened.

God bless when his mom came home, he got distracted and I took the knife over, turned the tables against him.

After that experience, I knew I really have to get him out of my life. So I started hanging out with Clint more to do my work, eat supper, and chill. Life was really busy, I was rushing portfolios for my poly interviews and stuff, so that psycho didn't have any chance to get near me. He eventually got really piss, and stalked me on my way home from school one day.

He confronted me and asked if I was cheating on him. I wasn't his girlfriend at all. He was crazy possessive and started grabbing me by my arms and questioned me. What made me really upset was, there were so many people passing by, yet nobody lent a hand. They were all enjoying the show, and some thought it was "shiok" because they got free drama to watch. Real live action, they say.

So I could only help myself. I shook him off, kept my distance. Tried running away and failed. No choice given, I was stuck right there, at the void deck, waiting for him to strike on me again. But this time, I promised myself, it would be the last. And I would injure him.

So he started blabbering his nonsense, saying things like I've cheated on him, made use of him, made him a fool and whatsoever, and then he got really agitated and gave me a punch in the stomach. I dropped to the ground immediately and couldn't breathe for the next 5 seconds. Remember how TV dramas always show people kena punch in the stomach then will vomit blood? Trust me, that's false. And there I am, coughing and gasping for breath. Holding onto my stomach because it was hurting like a bitch. Next thing I know, tears automatically rolled down my eyes because it was really too painful to take. What's more unbelievable was that, a really kind aunty asked what happened, that psycho actually said I was having menstrual cramp. I was already on the floor wringing in tears?!

And after the aunty was gone, he stomped on the hand that I was supporting myself with on the floor, and I dropped head first onto the ground. I was an animator. My hands were my life. After that he ran away, again. So I walked home, called up his dad. And his dad locked him up in his house. I thought everything would be over... but no. A few weeks later, I heard that he broke down his door, stabbed his father with a knife, hit his mom and sister to escape so that he could look for me because I was ignoring his texts and had my phone turned off.

I was with Clint that night, in my room doing some work and we heard someone throwing a rock on my window. We looked out, and saw him right there, pacing urgently to and forth, and demanding us to get out. Stupidly, we headed out, and I am not even kidding. He would really injured my loved ones. I was smart enough to leave Clint's phone in the house before we headed out to deal with him. I took chance to run back home and called the police. And that marked the end of all these drama. Because shortly after he took us on, he was jailed.

All was well until recently. I was told his sentence was a year.. And it's been a year since he got sentenced. I've been living in constant fear again because Clint is no longer living at my place, and I've been hearing and seeing things. I'm so freaked I could really kill myself if all these continue. I get hungry at night, but I can never go out to get supper without coming home crying and trembling with fear. I can never head out alone without turning back to check if anyone is following me, or if I would get a kick out of nowhere again.

You call me insecure, no confidence, inferior and possessive. But do you have any idea how much stress I'm going through? I don't share my story because most of you would probably think I'm trying to gain sympathy. But everyone has their limits. I've been crying every single day for the past one and a half month because I am so occupied with fears and troubles and there's no one I can talk to. No one would ever understand what I've went through. I couldn't even tell my parents, and I have no siblings at all. And I still have to tolerate nasty comments from people that barely even know me?

I don't care if you think this long ass wordy post of mine is trying to fish for attention or sympathy. You really don't know just how much I'm taking in my life. This is only 1/100 of the issues that's going on in my life right now.

You guys want people to understand you. But who is there to understand me?

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